Return to Floko
by Red Witch
Summary: Once again Niko travels to Planet Floko on another agricultural trip with Doc and Zozo. And once again she wishes she stayed home.


**A pack of killer tomatoes has taken over the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters. Another mad little fic from my mad little mind. **

**Return to Floko**

"Oh goody," Doc remarked as he flew Ranger One over the surface of the planet. "Here we are, back to wonderful planet Floko. The agricultural disaster center of the universe."

"This time **nothing** is going to go wrong," Niko told him sharply.

"That's what you said about the marshmallow trees on Granna," Doc pointed out. "And the last few missions you were in charge of when we came here. I swear every time I come here I can smell burnt strawberry basketballs in the air."

"Just shut up and fly the ship," Niko snapped. "Zozo you're sure the scientists on Kirwin have finally figured out all the bugs in their genetic engineered plants?"

"We're positive we have it right **this **time," Zozo told her. "All we have to do is put them in soil and water them."

"That's what you said the **last time** we were on this planet too," Doc added. "In fact I remember you were in charge then too Niko."

"Don't go there Doc," Niko gave him a cold look. She never liked failure on any mission.

"I'm not saying it's not your fault things went wrong," Doc told her. "How were you supposed to know that the plants would slip into some kind of bacterial infection and become a mess that had a bigger smell than a group of skunks at a garbage dump?"

"Speaking of dumping, let's get started," Niko cut him off. "So all we have to do is scatter the seeds onto the test patch of land?"

"Yes, and then Mr. Wendell, the head of Floko's Agricultural Department will irrigate them," Zozo explained. "We've already placed enough nutrients and minerals in the test patch of land to grow a rain forest! It has to work."

"All right," Niko prepared when they reached the coordinates. "Commencing drop."

It wasn't long before the seeds were dropped onto the test patch of land. The rangers soon parked Ranger One on the landing field near the testing area. They soon met up with Mr. Wendell, a hardy white haired man in casual overalls, a red shirt and sturdy boots.

"The irrigation is going without a hitch," Mr. Wendell pointed to the large field being sprayed by water. "The one good thing about Floko is that we never have a drought."

"This new design in our seeds should make the plants resistant to any bacteria," Zozo told him. "You shouldn't have any problems."

"I just hope it works this time," Mr. Wendell sighed. "Ever since we colonized this planet the folks on Floko have had bad luck growing things. Half the planet is either underwater or swampland. What little land there is available is either too rocky, too muddy or has some kind of weird bacterial fungus in the underground that prevents the food we grow from tasting good. It's like we're growing organic basketballs. We even tried growing mushrooms and even they didn't work out. Rubber! Complete rubber!"

"Tasted like rubber huh?" Zozo said.

"No, they actually evolved **into** some kind of rubber," Mr. Wendell sighed. "Weirdest thing. But we couldn't even use that cause for some reason they disintegrate and turn into some kind of goop the second they got wet. I'm telling you Ranger Niko, the folks here are getting mighty tired of paying high prices for groceries and being forced to buy nearly all of their food from other planets. Little wonder that nearly half of our colonists have high tailed it to other colonies. "

Suddenly a huge bass like fish leapt out of a nearby pond. It was at least twenty feet big. "Have you tried the fishing industry?" Doc blinked.

"Yeah but it didn't work either," Mr. Wendell sighed. "Those dang fish taste even worse than the rubber mushrooms. And smell worse when you gut them."

"Hopefully now Floko's problems are over," Zozo said cheerfully. "Our scientists on Kirwin have devised a foolproof design in the vegetables."

"Didn't you guys say that the **last **time you sent us vegetables?" Mr. Wendell sighed. "You know when they grew too big and started to smell so bad it could stun a skunk? And the time before **that** when the plants turned to mold and it smelled like a rock star's unwashed armpit? And the times before **that** when nothing grew at all but it **still **smelled…"

"We get the picture," Niko interrupted him. "Looks like our job is done. All we have to do is wait."

"Uh I don't think we have to wait very long," Zozo gulped as he pointed to the test field.

"Holy Hannaberries!" Mr. Wendell gasped as suddenly the plants started to grow and mature quickly. "I wanted them to grow fast but not **this** fast!"

"Looks like that weird bacteria in the soil strikes again," Doc gasped as the plants grew to nearly a dozen stories tall.

"As long as they taste good it doesn't matter how big they are," Zozo pointed out. "But if they do taste good oh momma we hit the jackpot!"

Suddenly a large lettuce opened a pair of eyes. "You lay one tooth on me you overgrown purple jackrabbit and I'll hit **you!**" It snapped.

"Whaaaaa…" Zozo gasped.

"Somehow…The plants have become sentient!" Niko gasped.

"We're not cement!" A stalk of corn snapped.

"She said sentient! Not cement! Clean your ears out!" A squash snapped.

"So wait…We're alive?" An onion popped out of the ground.

"Apparently," A pepper remarked. "Oooh! Hey! Uh…uh… Gee I had something in my head a moment. What do you call it when there are words and feelings in your head but you don't say anything but it can help you say stuff?"

"I dunno I gotta think a minute," A watermelon remarked. "Oh A banana!"

"Yeah I had a banana in my head!" The pepper said. "Wait…That doesn't sound right."

"I said they were sentient. Not very bright," Niko sighed at the looks she was getting from Doc, Zozo and Mr. Wendell. "I'm glad Goose isn't here to see this!"

"Yeah he'd probably make some kind of **corny** joke," Doc grinned.

"Not funny Doc," Niko glared at him.

"Okay, okay! Here we are!" One giant stalk of broccoli with big eyes looked around. "Yes! YES! Today my vegetable allies is the day when we finally turn the tables on our plant eating oppressors! Today they will feel our fists of vengeance!"

Then the broccoli looked down at it's stalk. "Okay so we don't exactly have any fists but you can see where I'm going with this."

"Not really," A giant potato like monster muttered.

"Open your eyes Harold!" Another potato monster snapped. It had several eyes.

Harold opened his many eyes. "Oh yeah that's better."

"Look the point is that even though we don't have any fists, we can still get some vengeance around here!" The Broccoli monster snapped. "So we are gonna kick some plant eating butt!"

"How are we gonna do that without any feet?" A giant pea pod asked.

"Uh well…Look let's not be so literal okay?" The Broccoli monster snapped.

"Great…" Zozo grumbled. "As if **one** alien race made of broccoli wasn't bad enough…"

"Prepare to face the wrath of the Planet of the Vegetables!" The Broccoli monster shouted. "Get 'em Herb! Squish the pulp out of them! HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Uhhhhhhhh……." The tomato plant creature sat there drooling.

"What's it going to do? Drool on me?" Doc snickered. "Put ketchup stains on my uniform?"

"Okay, maybe **not** Herb," the Giant Broccoli plant did a double take. "But the rest of us will conquer the planet! Charge!"

"Oh go drown yourself in cheese, Mac!" A lettuce like plant snapped. "Who put you in charge?"

"Yeah!" The other plants agreed.

"Uhhhhhhhhhh…" Herb drooled.

"Guys!" Mac pleaded. "Not in front of the plant eaters!"

"Oh shut up," A giant eggplant snapped.

"Yeah nobody wants to listen to you go on all day," A giant squash snapped. "So can it!"

"I knew no one liked broccoli but this is ridiculous," Doc blinked.

"I've heard of food disagreeing with people but not each other," Mr. Wendell remarked.

"Come on guys! This is our chance to take over the planet!" Mac snapped.

"Why do we want to do that?" A giant watermelon asked.

"Uh I dunno," Mac snapped. "Maybe so we won't get **eaten?** How about that Ralph? You want to be eaten? Huh? Is that what you **want?** To end up in some meatball's stomach?"

"Uh that's a bad thing right?" Ralph asked.

"Just out of curiosity are watermelons related in **any way** to tomato plants?" Mac groaned.

"Well I know they're both fruit," The eggplant said.

"No they're not," The Corn plant snapped. "They're vegetables!"

"No, they're **fruit,**" The eggplant refuted.

"Come on the tomato is a vegetable!" The corn plant snapped as it pointed it's leaf at Herb and a few more tomato plants. "In more ways than one."

"It's a fruit!" The eggplant snapped.

"Vegetable!" The corn plant snapped. "Keep talking pal and I'm gonna cream you!"

"You're the one that's gonna get creamed!" The eggplant snapped.

"Excuse me!" Zozo shouted. "Excuse me! I believe I can settle this. The tomato is a fruit but it is classified as a vegetable. Technically, it's both."

"I did not know that," The corn blinked.

"Well whatever they are they are gonna be the doom of the plant eating race!" Mac shouted. "Attack!"

"This is not necessary," Niko called out to them. "We don't have to fight."

"Great! Don't fight! Just stand there and let us **crush** you! Herb! You and the rest of the tomatoes roll over **that **tomato!" Mac dipped his head towards Niko. "Herb? HERB!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh…." Herb kept drooling.

"Were you cross pollinated with a hemp plant or something?" Mac yelled at the tomato plant monsters. "Just roll over them!"

"Uhhh," Another tomato indicated the vine it was on. "We're stuck."

"Oh for the love of..." Mac winced.

BOING!

"WHEEEEE!" A giant pea bounced around, it hit several other plants.

"Watch it!" Ralph snapped. "I bruise easily!"

BOING! BOINB! BOING! BOING!

"Now I know what they mean when someone says they have a pea brain!" Mac groaned as several peas kept bouncing around and hitting several other vegetables. "OW! WATCH IT!"

"Will somebody get those stupid peas under control?" A corn monster snapped. "Before I lose my temper and pop!"

"This is very weird even for **us**," Doc blinked. "And trust me that's a pretty high standard to beat."

"Did you call me?" A beet pulled itself out of the ground.

"Uh no…" Doc blinked.

"What kind of bacteria is **in** this planet's soil?" Niko asked.

"OW! KNOCK IT OFF!" The corn plant yelled. "That's it! I'm gonna blow!"

POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!

Giant kernels of popcorn flew everywhere. "I **had **to come to Floko," Mr. Wendell sighed as he dodged the giant snack. "I couldn't have just listened to my wife and stayed a successful lawyer in New York and grow prize winning petunias in my spare time. But nooooooooooo! I **had **to make a difference! I **had** to be a farmer on the new frontier! I **had **to try new things and live **off** the land!"

"FREEEE!" Herb cried out with glee as he snapped off the vine. He and the other tomatoes started to roll.

"HERB YOU IDIOT YOU'RE GOING THE **WRONG WAY!** THE PLANT EATERS ARE OVER **HERE!**" Mac yelled. He was pinged in the back by a stray flying pea. "OW! WHO DID THAT?"

"And now my wife is going to live off my alimony payments," Mr. Wendell sighed as he watched the tomatoes roll away from them towards some nearby buildings. "No wonder she ran off with the pig."

SPLAT!

The tomato army had literally splattered itself all over Ranger One and the few buildings nearby. "Oh right…" Mac the Broccoli monster blinked. "That's why we don't use perishables as infantry. I forgot."

"I just wish more of our enemies would take each other out like that," Doc quipped.

"Look I know you Galaxy Rangers are supposed to protect life and all that crap," Mr. Wendell sighed. "But uh, do we really **need** this? I mean Floko has **enough** problems without these things around to drive us crazy."

"A Galaxy Ranger's first duty is to protect all life within the galaxy," Niko gave him a look.

"NO! STOP IT WATERMELLON! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SQUASH THE HUMANS! NOT THE SQUASH!" Mac yelled as the watermelons started to roll around over all the other vegetables.

"On the other hand," Doc remarked. "We're also obliged to protect the human race from any threats. And technically these stupid vegetables **are** a threat."

"A threat **we **created," Zozo added. "I won't tell if you won't."

"Who'd believe us?" Doc asked. "Niko these plants are unstable!"

"They are **not…**" Niko began.

Just then one of the peas ricocheted off of a celery stalk and into the nearby lake. It bubbled and then a giant fish spat out the pea. "OH YEAH! SAME YOU BUDDY!" The pea shouted as it was flung into another vegetable. "AND YOU'VE GOT FISH BREATH!"

"OW! MY EYE! Well one of my eyes…" Harold the potato groaned.

POP! POP! POP!

"I don't feel so good…" One popped ear of corn moaned before it exploded, leaving little bits of stalk and corn all over the place. It also took out a few other vegetables as well as some peas.

"Okay maybe they are a **little** unstable," Niko blinked.

"Uh Niko," Zozo pointed out. "Radioactive waste is a little unstable. These things are **nuts!"**

"Actually only **we** are the nuts!" A giant peanut spoke with a few other giant peanuts behind it. "Anybody see my monocle? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Ralph the giant watermelon rolled over the peanuts. "I made peanut butter!" It laughed as it rolled away.

"Ralph! You are going the wrong way! You're headed straight for the…" Mac yelled.

SPLAT!

"Giant metal ship thingy," Mac groaned. "Great, Ralph's dead."

"And left a mess all over Ranger One…" Zozo groaned.

"Niko do you really want the word to get out that you were responsible for a mission that resulted in insane escapees from a children's cartoon on steroids?" Doc pointed out.

"I have to try to communicate with them to come up with a peaceful solution!" Niko said.

"DIE!" A carrot tried to stab a stray pea. "DIE! DIE! DIE!"

However the carrot stabbed one remaining tomato. "Uh oh…"

BOOM! SPLATTER!

"Good luck," Zozo said sarcastically as pieces of vegetable flew all over them and around them. "On the bright side Niko there seems to be a lot less of them around."

"There is definitely an unstable chemical reaction between the biochemicals within the soil and the plants," Niko remarked.

BOOOM!

"You think? Come on Niko all we have to do is blow the rest of them up," Doc said. "They're probably gonna blow up anyway since they're so unstable. We'll just say in our reports that the vegetables mutated and went out of control. Which they did."

"I am **more** than willing to sweep this under the rug if **you** are," Mr. Wendell agreed. "I wonder if I can get my Park Avenue apartment back?"

"We are **not **going to blow up these sentient vegetables because they're annoying!" Niko snapped. "If we were allowed to do that Senator Wheiner would have been killed **years** ago!"

"Look we may be few in number," Mac snapped. "But we are more than a match for you! We will crush you! CRUSH YOU I SAY!"

SPLAT!

"Crush **them**! Not each other!" Mac yelled. "Who'd have thought Ralph was the **smart **watermelon?"

"Niko that's a threat," Doc pointed out. "You heard that right Mr. Wendell?"

"Yes indeedy," Mr. Wendell nodded. "Threatening human life plain as day."

"Loophole, Niko," Doc added. "Loophole!"

"Doc we are **not **going to blow the rest of these vegetables up!" Niko snapped. "We wish to talk peace…"

"Shut up you overfed cow!" Mac yelled. "You pathetic female, I and the rest of my kind will destroy your worthless race! We will **crush **you, you fat bloated ugly incompetent female! Crush you! HA HA HA HA!"

"Doc," Niko pulled out her weapon. "Set your blasters on maximum."

"Uh, uh wait a second here…" Mac realized what was about to happen. "Maybe we won't crush **all** of you? Just **some** of you. And when I say **some** I mean **one **or two of you. You know…People you don't really like anyway…"

"Ready," Niko said in a bored voice.

"Like people who talk on cell phones while driving…" Mac gulped, realizing he couldn't move, he was stuck on some vines. "Don't you **hate** those?"

"Aim…" Niko readied her weapon.

"When I said fat bloated and incompetent I meant that in a good way…" Mac said hastily. "How did I get so stuck on these vines? Maybe having feet isn't such a bad idea after all?"

"FIRE!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

SPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLATTTTTTTTTTT!

"There, problem solved," Doc sighed as he was covered with vegetable mess. "Except where to find a good dry cleaner on this planet."

"Still don't taste good," Mr. Wendell tasted his shirt. "Maybe Floko should get out of the growing business and into the casino business?"

"Why?" Niko moaned. "Why is it whenever I'm put in charge of an agricultural mission I'm always the one that ends up with **egg** on my face?"

"Actually I think that's broccoli," Zozo pointed out. Niko gave him a look. "Shutting up now."


End file.
